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| *Making Amends* |
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| "AMENDS" not "ahems"... I have to keep reminding myself of that. |
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| AMEND: Compensation for a loss or injury |
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: to change or modify for the better |
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: improve |
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| As in all things, making amends is only possible in a "sharing" relationship. When hearts and minds are shuttered and protected, no amends are possible. |
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| A dear friend once asked me what I wanted from this journey... why I had chosen this path of mine. I answered, "I want to be loved gently and sweetly. I want to know compassion and caring and concern and consideration. I want to be free to express my feelings and beliefs. I want to be permitted and encouraged to grow, to emerge from the cocoon I've created about myself. I want to BECOME. I want to feel good about myself, able to meet my own eyes when I look in a mirror. I want to share this person I am becoming with others who will treasure me for what I am, accept what I have been, without expectation or demand other than honesty. I want to be respected as an individual with thoughts and feelings of my own. I want to be what Creator intended me to be. I want to be open and honest about my life, my thoughts, my feelings... without fear ever entering in." |
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| To undertake that portion of my chosen path, I had to learn to be honest without being brutal. I had to learn not to be too confident or too complacent. I had to leave selfishness aside... be less quick to see faults in others, more willing to admit that those same faults were shared in me (though perhaps in different manifestations). I had to learn to be less demanding of others... demanding understanding, acceptance, patience... when I was as yet incapable of those same things. I had to learn to stop damning myself and others for our imperfections. |
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| Today, I have a clue. A tiny inkling of how it ought be. And I pursue that vision with all the vigor at my disposal. |
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*I Apologize:
not with that 5 letter word I have so often abused in the past...
but with a heartfelt, "it was wrong and selfish of me and I realize that now.
Forgive me, please?" |
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*I Identify:
I don't leave "it" as a nameless, nebulous thing.
I state clearly the nature of my wrong, and I own it.
I have deleted "yeah, but you..." from my vocabulary.
I do not allow myself to justify or rationalize any personal ill
as based on or in any other's words or actions.
After all, I only own myself... but all of me must be mine. |
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*I Amend:
I keep that identification in my heart and mind
and hold my future words and actions up to it for comparison.
I change my future paths... by recognizing where I have been,
I become capable of choosing a brighter path
for where I will be and what I am yet to become. |
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*May the paths you walk be bright and beautiful... |
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may your Garden of the Heart grow in courage... |
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this day and all days* |
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